On Sunday it was announced the Yoko Ono was going to judge a British Summer Haiku competition. The haiku submitted via twitter are being displayed at Kings Cross Station on a giant advertising board, with a fresh one selected every 20 minutes or so. I have always admired haiku as a form but had not previously tried to write one. I have been submitting them, but still not sure I have captured their real essence, simplicity, seasonality and sharp emotional interplay. I would welcome feedback from others on the haiku below. I have attempted to deconstruct some and put them into context. However, I am not sure that this is a good idea; should they just be left to stand alone and see how others react to them? There is a very good piece that describes the form at IP . Although not absolutely essential the form is normally 5-7-5 syllables over three lines. It should include a seasonal reference and nature, feelings or experiences.
1
Ducks once in a row
Have now shifted fallen gone
Bring sunshine to me
Written after something I thought was all lined up to go right suddenly went wrong, I had a little sob and asked the good people on twitter to send me some positive karma – they did.
2
Bike open mouthed
Swallow does not make summer
Just a very dead fly
Possibly too limerick like but as I biked today a fly flew into my mouth and this came to me
3
Don't count your chickens
Deep yellow sun warms, bakes, dries
Egg earthward, shattered
A bit more profound and following some bad news about a friend. Dropping an egg on the ground seemed somehow symbolic and the deep yellow of the yolk, with all of its potential wasted. Also reflecting on how the sun with all of its power can provide warmth which is good and can bake to form bricks, food etc but can lead to an arid, inhospitable environment. A reflection on fertility, conception and childbirth.
4
Tartan rug spread out
Cloud spotting for beginners
Making hay after
After making hay
Beginners to cloud spotting
Spread out tartan rug
Not sure if haiku can come in pairs but I wanted to experiment with a kind of pallendromic structure where changing the order of the words could imply different situations. Take the phrase making hay anyway you like, from literally working in the fields, to making the most of a good time while you have the chance, to making love.
5
One fresh red strawberry
Juice drips down chin succulent
Earwig rests inside
This is one of my earliest childhood memories. My grandmother gave me the biggest, lushest strawberry she had grown and when I bit into it there was an earwig inside
6
Hanging washing out
A gentle breeze is promised
It will pour with rain
Sums up that first rush of putting washing out and feeling good that summer is on its way, but too often and several fresh water rinses later it comes back in and goes on the clothes horse.
7
Blossom fades leaves sway
Adolescence out abroad
Ageing recycle
It always disappoints me how quickly blossom fades like the innocence of youth and childhood. Children grow and start going out and about and eventually leave home. In our part of Suffolk that seems to start with Friday nights where young people with too few clothes experiment with alcohol. I used adolescence rather than adolescents as I was also thinking of the 20+ in Ianapa and the 50+ after too much wine at the barbecue. Plus we all think we invented youth but are just recycling one generation after another.